So you want to have a gayby – step 1 – all the stuff that happens before your life changes

Having a family was never a decision we made. Right from the start of our relationship we knew kids were in our future. We had our boy name picked out after three months and Quin’s name chosen after about a year. So while we continued to live a pretty free and fun life early on, we always had in the back of our minds that our lives were moving towards extra little hands at the dinner table.

2008 - six weeks after we met and the day I knew we were going to make babies.

2008 – six weeks after we met and the day I knew we were going to make babies.

Shan was always going to be our baby baker. She is loving and maternal and has the most perfect mama-hips. She had always wanted to be pregnant and I had not, so the decision was easy for us. I absolutely adore children but I have NO desire to be pregnant. My sisters all have awful pregnancies – sick and in pain the whole time. It runs in the family and I’m not taking my chances with it. Of course if Shan couldn’t carry a baby herself I would have definitely done it for her, for us. So that was all decided early on and our lives carried on.

We went travelling. We got married. We bought a house and got a dog. We renovated the house and were busy working hard and saving money. We knew having a baby was going to be expensive – between $5k and $10k – so while trying to save for that, there always seemed to be something else to pay for or something else to organise before we tried for kids. We needed a new car, we needed security screens on the windows, we needed a holiday… the list (and the wait) went on and on.

In March 2011, our nephew was born. We visited him at the hospital and smooched on him for an hour. After that evening at the hospital, the need to have a child became overwhelming. My wife is not embarrassed to admit that she spent the whole next day crying – happy tears for her brother and his wife and then just a whole bunch of hormonal “i want to be a mum!” tears. Shan needed to have a baby. It was a physical need that couldn’t be ignored or delayed any longer.

We booked in to see the fertility doctor the next day.


2 thoughts on “So you want to have a gayby – step 1 – all the stuff that happens before your life changes

  1. my partner and i had the same kind of situation – we never even realy discussed which of us would carry our baby. i wanted to be pregnant, and she wasn’t that fussed, so it’s just what we did!
    anyway, i’ve just found your blog, and just wanted to say hi.


  2. I stumbled onto your Instagram through a friend and then your blog. I am married with 7 children and I have to say that your marriage is better than most I have EVER seen. The love you have for each other and Quinn (who I adore seeing pics of daily) is unimaginable and dream like. Honestly, coming from a broken home, I see this love as pure and I am so happy that your family is solid, unlike most now days. Thank you for inspiring so many and sharing your family. It affects people more than you know. Xoxo


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