I’m not mummy

We’re two women making a family. We’re two loving mums raising a lovely daughter. We’re both maternal and equally committed to creating a supportive and love-filled home for our family. But there’s only one mummy in our family, and it’s not me.

A few weeks ago, Quin had her first cold at almost 5 months old. She was sniffly and grumpy and she didn’t want a bar of me. Before this, Quin had never shown a preference for either of us. Except for boob-milk time we were equal and interchangeable. I could change her, shower her, put her to sleep, calm her down if she got upset. But when she was sick she only had eyes and arms for mummy.

I could tell this concerned Shan at first. I know she was worried I would feel rejected or unwanted and it would create some kind of animosity, but that couldn’t have been more wrong. I adored how much Quin wanted her mummy and loved seeing her little face and body relax as soon as she was back in her mummy’s arms. I didn’t feel jealousy or frustration, only admiration for my wife and her ability to be so patient and loving and calm with a sick, grumpy baby when neither had had a lot of sleep.

For Quin, her mummy is her rock. Her mummy is home with her all day every day and knows her inside out. She knows all her sounds and her cries and when she needs a nap and when she’s hungry. Mummy will always be the go-to for make-the-pain-stop-kisses and cold-cuddles and bad-dream-snuggles. And I’m ok with that because I’m not mummy.

I am mama. And mama gets to go to work everyday knowing I’m making it possible for the two people I love most to spend their days together being happy. I get to be the one they miss during the day and who they look forward to seeing at night. I get welcome home slobbery kisses and smiles so big my heart explodes. I get to be fun-mum who helps to make a mess all in the name of adventure.

My wife will be having all our babies and will always be mummy. And I’ll always get to be mama. And that is just perfect for us.

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10 thoughts on “I’m not mummy

  1. Soooooo true dude….but there was always something ultra special about waiting for the parent that worked to come home too – there will be special things in each of your releatuonships some shared some not – what I can’t believe is how much they make you feel ….

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  2. Ahh.. I adore this post SO much! I can’t wait to be a mama one day and hope to always have the same outlook as you have! I love following your little family through instagram and your blog posts.. Wishing you guys all the best in the future!

    Meaghn

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  3. Our little girl will be two tomorrow. She is with me 24-7. I carried her. I nursed her. I am still nursing her. She has always been a mommy’s girl….until lately. She is preferring her mama over me more and more often and I love it. Mama loves it. She loves it. I love your take on this. Sometimes there is jealousy, hurt and resentment. It’s nice to see another family that has this take on it!

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  4. Dang, it’s pretty awesome finding out your not the only one out there having these feelings; I can totally relate to this 100% Though, for my family I had come into the picture after birth 1yr in. I feel more like the adopted parent, than vice versa with my son and I. He’s now close to 8, he’s never called me momma, or daddy or non of that; which is fine with me. I just know that he misses me when I’m not around, all he wants to do is spend time with me when I get home from work; I can be his rock with his new insecurities springing up in school and his daily life. But, momma does hold that special bond; and I admire that in my partner, her strength, worries, sadness and when it comes to that I’m there to be her rock and light that shines her trough any of the darkness that might come along.

    Great post, I’m glad I finally had a chance to read part of your blog. Posted through my iPhone, sorry for any mistakes. ❤

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  5. Hi!
    I’ve just found your blog and have spent the morning pouring over your posts about your beautiful family.
    I love this post in particular.
    I can’t wait to show it to my husband, I think you’ve said exactly what he has not always been able to articulate.
    It’s truly beautiful how babes love both of their parents, but in different ways and I love what you said about going to work so the two people you love most can spend their days together.
    Truly beautiful blog, I’ll be a regular from now on 😉
    x

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  6. Hi,
    I have just discovered your awesome blog, just have to say your little family is beautiful. My partner and I are expecting our first this November. Thank you for this post, you have explained it beautifully.
    I think for our little fam we will be a little confused, as we both will carry and have little birthlings. So the mummy muma roles will be I guess up to the kids. I’m sure they will pick and chose.
    Thank you. From a new follower……. That sounded a bit cult worshipy! Haha

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  7. This is great post. My daughter is 2 next month im the stay at home mum ( I work night shift tho) so shes with me 24/7 im the one who comforts her when sad sick or sleepy etc. I am mama I didnt carry her my wife did she’s mummy. She works 9-5pm but is gone 8a-6p. So our daughter perfers me but my wife is ok with this bc im with her all day. We just had a son 14th aug I carried him this time. It’s great you dont get jealous or anything.

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