last friday night i found myself in a photocopy place about 20 minutes from my house. i’d never been there before but it was the closest copy place open after 5pm.
i was there to get the rainbow family posters (post below) printed and hadn’t given any thought to getting gay posters printed in a bit of a bogan town. the girl behind the counter was super friendly though and we started chatting easily about kids (she had two) and chalkboards (rare to find now, apparently) and eventually she asked about the posters. i explained about the community event we were going to the day after and about the community organisation i’m involved with and our role in supporting LGBT families.
she said, “that’s such a great group to have here. my best friend is gay and her partner left her when she was 7 months pregnant with their second child so i went to the birth with her.”
my response.. “you’re kidding?!”
“no, she just left and now my friend is raising the two kids on her own.”
i was genuinely surprised and still processing this information when she continued, “when i was 21, my ex left me when i was only a month pregnant. she was older than me and we were together for years and had always wanted a baby. as soon as i fell pregnant, she left me for someone else.”
WHAT THE F*CK?!
this girl was (at some point, at least) gay AND she had been dumped by another woman while pregnant!
she went on to say that her son is six now and the sweetest little guy and that in the end, she is the lucky one. she’s also now happily living with a guy and they have a little girl together.
i could not then, and still cannot now, wrap my head around the idea that there are women out there who leave long term relationships while their partner is pregnant. they leave their girlfriend and THEIR unborn child before they can even enter the world. and they didn’t just break up – they left. they didn’t attend the births and they don’t have anything to do with THEIR children. how is this happening?
i fully understand that some relationships should not be, and often it takes something big like a move or a baby to make you realise this, but to leave your child?
our children don’t happen by accident. there are no errors or mistakes or condoms breaking, or missing the pill and whoops, i’m pregnant! our families are intentional. to go through the process and make the commitment, only to bail before your baby even takes a breath – that is something i will never understand.